Tag Archive | decisions

If I could change past decisions in my life…

Image

found on the internet, unsure who to credit it to

would I?   Would you?   A fellow blogger A Opinionated Man   http://aopinionatedman.com/2014/02/28/the-daily-opinion-the-past/ asked that very question this morning and rather than give a quick one sentence response, I told him his question was leading me to a new blog post which I will share with him sometime today or tonight.  Sorry it took me so long OM –My day got busy, but I did promise so here goes.

There are many small decisions, some of which I probably have even forgotten, that I don’t know if I would change or not. They may have had an effect on my life, sure, but how much would they really matter?  Am I sorry I quit high school to get married and have children? Yes about the quitting high school part, but I did go back to school and get my high school diploma several years later and started taking college classes part time. And eventually through several starts and stops due to work and raising kids, etc. I finally took a year and went back full time and did graduate with an associate degree at age 49. My point is, good or bad decision, it did work itself out to something positive and I would not trade the time with my kids for anything in the world.

The biggest decisions in my life are more difficult to decide upon.   The first was my decision to get married at a young age and start a family right away.  18 years old is way too young to be a wife and mother and to even really know what love really is.  If I had the knowledge then that I have now, I probably would have made a different decision, but since I did not, what is the sense of spending my time saying what if?   I soon knew that  my decision was not the best I could have made, but the positives from that bad decision culminated in my giving birth to three wonderful children and two of them have blessed me with a granddaughter.  I would never trade any of that in for anything so no, I would not change that decision,

30 years of marriage later, I made another huge decision in my life–to divorce. That was a tough decision to make, given my feelings about marriage being for life, but balancing that with my safety and sanity, I chose the latter.  Am I sorry about it?   No.   It was a smart move on my part.  I grew a lot when I was out on my own for the first time in my adult life, with nobody to rely on except for myself.

Since that time I have made many other decisions which resulted in many changes and much growth in my life and for the most part I would not change them.  A couple of smaller ones-yes, I would change, especially one not so small decision that cost me a very special friendship and that I still pray about.   The one big regret I had in my life from my decisions was that I was living almost halfway across the country (in Texas) when my eldest son took his own life.  For a long time I thought if only I had stayed in CT where he lived, maybe I could have stopped him.   I have come to terms with that in knowing that in reality I could not have done anything to stop him–nobody could.  Sadly, it was a decision he made and I will never know exactly why until I meet him again one day in heaven.

Fortunately now I have a growing relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ and through that relationship I am not trying to lean on just me in my decisions, but I lean on the Lord.  I take my problems to Him in prayer and He leads and directs my paths -as long as I let him.   Being human, there are those times when i decide I can do better and get an answer more quickly-Not True!!    As it says in the Bible, in Proverbs 3:5, Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.   A verse I try very hard to remember!

So would I change any of my decisions?  No, I am guessing I would not.  Everything was decided for a reason and in everything, good or bad, a lesson was learned and I grew and matured.     How about you?